


Is the Love Worth This?

by stargays



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, a good taste of angst anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargays/pseuds/stargays
Summary: Ro makes a rather hard decision, and must convince her girlfriend to go along with it.
Relationships: Guinan/Ro Laren
Kudos: 1





	Is the Love Worth This?

Ro had spent the last few months in training, and was even promoted to Lieutenant during that time. She was proud of herself, and ready to get back to work... But, God, was she exhausted. 

She wanted nothing more than to curl up in her bed with her lover, the familiar scent of lavender engulfing her and coercing her to sleep— a sleep more restful than she’d had in what felt like ages. 

Upon her arrival, she took the time to see said lover before having to mingle with everyone else. She approached her quarters, standing at the door until a familiar voice told her to come inside. 

“Honey, I’m home!” Ro says, peeping her head into the quarters of her girlfriend. 

A beautifully familiar bright smile meets her eyes, a smile of her own creeping on her face. 

“Hi, beautiful.” Guinan says, reaching her hands out for the other to take. 

And she does, gazing lovingly at her girlfriend for a moment before being pulled into a tight embrace. 

“Mmm,” the older woman hums as she squeezes the other, rubbing her hand against her back. 

After pulling away she places a gentle kiss on the raven haired woman’s lips, leading her to the small couch to visit with her for a bit. 

“So,” she begins, the smile never leaving her face. “How was it?”

“You know,” Ro teases, chuckling softly. “It was training.”

“It seems to have treated you well. You feel much more muscular in my arms, Lieutenant.” 

A warm blush makes its way onto the Bajoran’s cheeks, pushing her away playfully. 

“I missed you a lot,” Guinan says, gazing down at her. 

“Really? I didn’t think I was missable.” the black haired one replies. 

“Oh, shut it. You know I missed your grumpy ass.”

“Grumpy?” Ro exclaims, pretending to act offended. 

“Well, if you act like that.” the darker woman says, chuckling as her girlfriend pouts. “You know I’m only joking, baby.” 

“And you know I couldn’t stay mad at you if I tried.” she adds, eliciting a nod from the other. 

“Well... Your welcome back party starts in about five minutes. We should probably get you to that sooner than later, or they’ll start to think you never came back.”

***

After a long evening of talking to just about everyone on the Enterprise, Ro found herself on the Bridge with the Captain... and found herself the lead of a mission. 

And not just any mission— a long and intensive one. 

Great. 

Before beaming herself to her location, she thought it best to let her girlfriend know. She knew she wouldn’t be pleased with this information, but she knew she would understand. Guinan fully understood what came with being a Starfleet officer. 

The raven haired woman made her way to Ten Forward and approached the, luckily, empty bar. She sits down, waiting for the woman to realize she was there. 

“Well isn’t it Lieutenant Ro.” 

She must’ve been zoned out because she hadn’t even noticed Guinan approaching her. 

“What’s wrong? You usually never come here unless someone asks you, or when something’s bothering you.”

A sigh passes through pink lips. Her girlfriend was always the person to know her best— always had been. 

“I’ve been called on a mission. It could take a couple weeks at most.”

Guinan nods, a smile on her lips. “Well that’s great. You can get back to work and make your status an even better one.”

Ro didn’t say anything, staring at the wall behind the other woman. 

“What is it, honey?”

She hesitates before speaking, not wanting the woman to find her weak for what she was about to say. “I’m just not ready to leave you again, is all.”

Guinan sighs softly, reaching out a hand to grab one of the petite woman’s. 

“It’s going to be alright, you know? You were bound to go on a mission soon enough. I understand your duties.” she begins, pausing for a moment. “I’ll miss you like I always do, but I’ll be here with open arms when you return.”

Ro nods slowly, gaze returning to those dark eyes she loves so much. 

“I should probably get going. I love you more than anything else.” she says, getting up from her stool. 

“I love you too, Laren.”

***

Guinan didn’t hear much about Ro while she was gone, though no one really did for a while. Ten days went by without anyone hearing anything, which worried the woman slightly. 

Of course when they did hear from the Bajoran, she was the first to know. It was a relief to know that her girlfriend was doing alright. She knew what could happen on missions, and her worst fear was to be approached with the news that Ro was gone. 

She had this nightmare often, actually. It was something she never told anyone— well, mostly everyone. There was a period of time where she had that type of nightmare every night for what felt like weeks, each one being different and worse than the last. 

Counselor Troi was the only person who knew of these nightmares, and had she not been the counselor, she wouldn’t have even known. 

They don’t happen as much anymore, but with not hearing from Ro for so long, they had flared up a bit. Luckily she had her ways of calming herself down— spraying a bit of the Bajoran’s cologne of choice on her pillow or making herself a nice warm cup of tea. 

But what would ease her more than anything in the world: her girlfriend safe by her side. 

***

Ro had never felt more at home than she did with the Maquis. She finally felt as though she was working towards something she actually believed in. She felt needed and wanted, something she rarely felt in Starfleet. 

Everything in her told her to stay, but there was one thing holding her back: Guinan. 

The thought bounced in her mind for days, thinking of how much she loved being with the Maquis before immediately being hit with the thought of her girlfriend. A decision had never been harder to make. 

She had pretty much made her mind up about staying, but what was she going to do about her relationship? How would she even bring this up? She stayed up many nights thinking about this— the conflict practically broke her in half. 

But she had to listen to her gut. And she did. 

***

It was finally her time to leave. She knew it was now or never. Without saying anything, Ro presses her communicator. 

“Alpha Seven to Alpha Nine.”

A woman answers, “Go ahead.”

“Stand by to beam me aboard.” she says, keeping her eyes fixated ahead of her. 

“Standing by.” the voice replies. 

After taking a deep breath, she turns her head to look at the very confused Riker. 

“You can take this ship back to the Enterprise.”

“You’re going with them?” he asks, tone full of surprise and what she thought was disappointment. 

“It's been a long time since I really felt like I really belonged somewhere...” she begins, letting out a breath she’d been holding. “Could you tell Captain Picard something for me?”

“Of course. What is it?” Riker asks. 

“Tell him I’m sorry.” she says, eyes full of tears. 

Riker nods his head, watching as the Lieutenant steps to an empty spot in the shuttle. 

“So long, Ro. Take care of yourself.” he says.

“Goodbye, Will. Energize.”

***

Guinan was called to the Captain’s ready room, something that very rarely happened. She was a staff member of the ship, but not someone important enough to be called in front of the Captain. Curiosity filled her as she made her way inside, sitting when instructed by the man. 

“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” he begins, clasping his hands that were resting on the desk. 

Her heart sunk into her stomach, fearing for the worst. “Okay, sir.”

A sigh leaves his lips, leaning forward towards her. 

“I’m sure you’re aware that Lieutenant Ro was on a mission to infiltrate the Maquis.”

“Yes, sir.” 

“Well, during that mission she made a decision— one no one saw coming. She decided to join the Maquis and leave Starfleet.”

Picard watches as Guinan’s face drops, her eyes shifting to look at the desk. 

“Did she leave a message for me?”

“Unfortunately she did not.”

The woman nods her head slowly, trying not to let the tears that were threatening her escape. “Is that all?”

“Yes.” he says. “You’re dismissed.”

She gets up and heads to the door, not giving him any time to speak before making her way to Holodeck 3. 

Guinan enters a random program, watching as the grid transforms into a small room. There was a desk with a few items on it, as well as a couch and two chairs. It seemed to be an office of sorts, but it was empty. 

She felt angry. Angry that Ro would leave without saying goodbye— without saying anything. How could she do this to her? After everything she said when she came back, after working so hard to make a name for herself in Starfleet. Why leave?

Feeling the emotions build, she grabs one of the small glass figurines on the desk and chucks it at the wall across the room. She watches as it shatters, feeling somewhat relieved. 

Before she knew it, she was throwing everything and anything she could at the wall. It wasn’t long before she had nothing left, out of breath and crying. 

***

She didn’t have another shift, so she eventually made her way back to her quarters. She put on her pajamas and slid into her bed, rolling over on her side to curl up. 

Her bed never felt so empty... Not until she had the knowledge that it’d never be full again. That she’d never see her girlfriend again.

Girlfriend. The word rang in her mind for a moment, sounding foreign. 

Guinan had been in her fair share of relationships, but once she got older, she decided to let the idea go. None of the relationships she’d ever been in felt right. Either they didn’t truly love her, or she didn’t truly love them; that or they treated her poorly in some way or another. 

It wasn’t until she met Ro that love seemed real. She never questioned their love once— not even when she went away to train for what felt like years. Despite the warnings people gave her about how the Lieutenant could be— about how she was standoffish and didn’t truly have feelings for anyone, about how she was the worst kind of woman— she never once felt her love for Ro dissipate. 

But now she was starting to think that they were right. Maybe Ro was exactly the way they’d all portrayed her as: a heartless bitch. Guinan knew deep down that wasn’t true, but she was so angry that she couldn’t help but think it. Maybe she had been kidding herself for all this time that she was actually loved. 

God, was she tired. 

Eventually her eyes fell shut, the voices in her brain muffling to silence, as she fell asleep. 

***

A quiet whooshing noise caused the woman to stir, fully waking up as she heard something fall in the living area of her quarters. She leans over and flips on a lamp, looking up to see none other than Ro Laren. 

For the first time, Ro saw her girlfriend without a smile on her face. Instead she was met with a look of disappointment, anger, sadness... It was painful to see. 

“I just came to say I’m sorry.” she says, finally, arms crossed in front of her body. 

“Bullshit,” Guinan replies, sitting up completely. 

“What is up with you?” Ro says, confused. 

“With me?” the older woman exclaims, brows furrowed. “What the fuck is up with you? Leaving Starfleet and everyone behind without saying goodbye... joining this group. God knows how much of a dangerous situation you’re putting yourself into.”

“You don’t understand,” the pale one begins, sighing. “I’ve never felt more at home than I did there. I actually feel proud of what I’m doing with them.”

“But not saying goodbye?” Guinan says, voice breaking as tears begin streaming down her cheeks. “Do you know how hurt I was to hear about this from Picard?”

Ro opens her mouth to speak, but the other continues. 

“We’ve been dating for almost two years, Laren. You didn’t think to tell me personally? To come say goodbye to me in person?”

“Well, I didn’t know they were going to tell you. I had a plan in mind and I was going to talk to you... That’s why I’m here.” she says, looking down at the ground. 

“Why wouldn’t they let your girlfriend know about you leaving? You didn’t come to say goodbye to anyone else, why would I be any different?” the woman says, hurt. 

“I was going to come see you regardless of that, Guinan! I thought about you every fucking day. This decision was hard for me to make too, you know.” she says, slight anger in her tone. 

“No, no I don’t. It doesn’t seem to be hard for you if it only took you two weeks to make the decision.”

“Well I could have made it in two days. You don’t understand how much I fit in there. I understand their mission— what they stand for. I’m meant to be there.”

Guinan lets out a sigh, looking at her lap. She felt defeated. “Okay,” she says simply. “I just don’t understand what’s so great about them that you’d drop everything to join them.”

A heavy sigh leaves the Bajoran, folding her arms over her chest. “Their whole mission is to defeat the Cardassians, a species I dislike with everything in me. Cardassians killed my father, and had me watch. Nothing would make me happier to watch them be defeated than to be the one to do it.” she explains. “It’s meant for me. I’m meant to be with them.”

Guinan doesn’t say anything, instead just keeps her gaze fixated to her lap and takes a few deep breaths. 

Ro walks to the bed and sits in front of the other woman, placing a hand on her leg. 

“I’m here to ask you to come with me. I never intended on leaving you behind. Everything about being there is perfect, except for you not being there with me.” the raven haired woman says.

“I have a life here, Ro. I’ve been here longer than just about anyone... I can’t just pick myself up and leave.” she responds, picking her head up to look at the other. 

“Why not? Life is about experiencing things, Guinan. You have to allow yourself to do things you’ve never done before.” 

“That may be easy for you to say, but I actually like it here.” the woman replies coldly. 

The paler one rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. She was frustrated, mostly because she’d assumed this would go over smoothly. She knew Guinan could be stubborn on some things, but she thought this would be different. Apparently not. 

“I at least want you to think about it. Please consider what I’m asking you to do— start a life with me. I have plans for our future, babe. I really do. Please just think on it, truly think.” 

Ro then stands to her feet and walks to the exit, turning to face the woman once more. 

“You have three days to make your decision.”

And then she energized into thin air. 

***

Guinan didn’t get much sleep that night, up thinking about everything that had just occurred.

After morning finally arrived, she made her way to the Counselor’s office. Hopefully she didn’t have any appointments, because Guinan didn’t think she could wait to talk any longer. 

“Come in!” Troi’s chipper voice sounded, coming into view as the other entered. 

“Guinan,” the brunette says with a smile, motioning to the seat in front of her. “What can I do for you?”

“I need to talk.” the older woman says honestly.

“I sense a lot of emotions from you. Does this have anything to do with the incident with Lieutenant Ro?” the Counselor asks.

Guinan nods before speaking, sighing softly. “She appeared in my quarters last night... And asked me to come with her.”

“To the Maquis?”

The darker woman nods her head, much too tired to keep speaking. 

The Betazoid nods slowly in understanding, thinking for a moment to process the situation. 

“Do you not want to go with her?” she finally questions. 

The other hesitates for a moment. “Well I’ve been here an awful long time. I like it here— I’m comfortable, I feel safe. Of course I miss her, but I can’t throw everything else away for that.”

“Do you love Ro?” Deanna asks, leaned in closer. 

Guinan doesn’t speak at first, allowing the question to linger in the air. Did she? After all the shit that she just put her through: did she still love Ro?

“Yeah... Yeah I do.” 

Even despite all the anger and sorrow she felt for what was going on, the love she had for her girlfriend was still very much present. And even though the thought of leaving her whole life behind to be with her was slightly terrifying, never seeing Ro again was more terrifying. The one person she truly loved, and knew loved her back, was someone she couldn’t lose. Not now. 

“Then go be with her. Obviously she cares for you and loves you if she asked you to come with her. That’s not something to take lightly.” the Counselor says, offering a smile. 

Guinan nods her head, a weak smile forming on her lips. “Thank you, Counselor.”

“Anytime.”

***

In the next three days, Guinan did everything she could to prepare for departure. She packed all her necessities, and rid herself of the things she didn’t need. She let everyone know of her leaving, starting with Captain Picard. 

He was shocked, maybe even disappointed, but understood what love could do to people. She then let people knew a little at a time, and before she knew it, most everyone knew. 

And what would it be on the Enterprise without some sort of party? On her last night there, she was surprised in Ten Forward with a goodbye celebration. 

There was cake, food, and great conversations. There were a few tears, but mainly laughs, and everyone just basked in the company of the woman they all admired. No one ever had anything bad to say about Guinan... Losing her was going to be difficult. 

Deanna and Beverly, of course, were sad to be losing another influential woman on their team. Riker, Geordi, and Data weren’t overly close with her, but gave her their best wishes. 

Worf was someone who she’d gotten closer with over time, and they spent a good amount of time talking and bidding their farewell. She’d come to think of him as a brother, and would miss him immensely. 

Picard was another rather long goodbye, talking and reminiscing on memories they’d shared over time. It was bittersweet, to say the least. 

And at the end of the night, she returned to her empty quarters and sat on the bed to wait. 

***

Not long before she began to grow bored did Guinan hear the whooshing once more, a petite figure coming into view. 

Ro takes a quick glance around the empty room, a smile creeping on her lips. 

“So I see you’ve made some sort of decision. What was it?” the Lieutenant asks, hands on her hips. 

“It was hard, but I’ve decided to come with you.” she says, pausing for a moment before speaking once more. “I love you, Laren, more than anything or anyone else. I know losing all this will be hard, but losing you would be harder. I can’t do that.”

The raven haired woman smiles fully, reaching her hands out for the other. Guinan takes her hands and pulls her into a much needed hug. 

Once parted, the two of them and the older woman’s belongings were beamed off of the Enterprise and onto a small shuttle. That shuttle took them to where Ro had been staying all this time, and where they were to remain. 

“So... what are your plans for us?” Guinan asks curiously, looking over at her girlfriend. “I trust you, of course. Just curious.”

“You’re fine, honey.” the petite woman says reassuringly. “There is a position similar to yours in Ten Forward available... I may have put in a good word or two.” 

The other woman smiles softly, watching her girlfriend as she spoke. She was happy to be with her. 

“That’s wonderful. I liked that job, and I’d love to meet new people that way.” 

“Exactly!” Ro exclaims excitedly, a grin on her features. “There are so many different kinds of people in the Maquis. I know you’ll meet people who you’ve never thought about meeting before.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” Guinan smiles, a feeling of excitement filling her. 

***

It took a while to get to the base, the time filled with the two women talking and enjoying each other’s company. Once they arrived, they set off to get settled. 

“Oh, there is one thing I forgot to mention.” the paler woman says as they walk towards the quarters. 

“And what is that?” 

“I thought maybe we could share quarters. They have bigger ones for couples, and I managed to secure one of them. If you’d rather your own, I can always put in a request to get two smaller.” she rambles, afraid she had done the wrong thing. 

Guinan smiles gently, grabbing one of her hands. “That’s perfect. I want to be able to spend as much time with you as I can get. I know you’ll be kept busy.”

“True,” the Bajoran chuckles, nodding her head. 

After a few more moments of walking, they approached their quarters, Ro speaking a spew of commands for it to open. 

It was beautiful inside, though much different than what she was used to. There was a small living area with a couch, a few chairs, and a small table. Next to it was a small dining table with a station to order the food. From what Ro had explained, it was similar to the food replicators on the ship. 

There was a small entryway to a bedroom, one bigger than most on the Enterprise. It had a large bed, two nightstands, and a dresser of sorts. 

“It’s not fancy, but it’s home.” the shorter woman says, looking over at her girlfriend. 

“No, no... It’s perfect.” the older woman replies, eyes taking in everything there was to offer. 

They began unpacking their things, making their room feel more homey, before heading down to the café, as the Maquis called it. 

As they entered, they received looks from just about anyone. Guinan was used to this, being a tall and dark woman. She was told she had a sense of mystery to her, and that mixed with her appearance gathered her many stares. 

Ro felt the same way. She was a Bajoran, and rather small but somewhat aggressive. People tended to give her looks, especially here where she’d made a name for herself rather quickly. 

They approached the bar, where one of the staff members was reading off a sort of newspaper. 

“Mr. Hess!” Laren says, the man slightly jumping due to not having seen them approach. 

“Oh, Ro. Hi, dear.” the man says, offering a sort of forced smile. 

“This is my girlfriend, Guinan. You know, the amazing bartender I was telling you about.” she says with a proud smile. 

The grey man smiles, more sincerely, and reaches his hand out. “Of course! I’m Jeffrey Hess, but everyone calls me Mr. Hess.” 

Guinan shakes his hand firmly, a smile rested on her lips. “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Guinan, as you probably gathered.”

“I have, yes.” Mr. Hess replies with a nod. “Now, this one over here says you’re one of the best bartenders around. What would you say about that?”

“Well, um,” the older woman begins, taking a pause to look at her girlfriend, “I’ve been doing it a really long time. I’d say I’ve earned some skill over the years.” 

“Let’s see those skills, then! Come back here with me.” he says, waving her behind the bar. 

Guinan follows his commands, walking behind the bar. She felt slightly nervous, having to prove herself, but didn’t feel as though it would be too difficult. 

“Would you mind making me a Samarian Sunset?”

Without responding, she begins tending the drink. It didn’t take her long, as she’d made these many times, but would’ve taken even less time if she knew where everything was located. She didn’t do too bad though. 

“Alright, now let’s see if you did it properly. It should change colors, you know.” he warns, arms crossed over his chest. It was almost as though he didn’t believe in her. 

Guinan pours the drink into a glass, watching as the liquid changed from clear to green, and then to red. With a proud expression, she then looks back up at the man. 

He nods slowly, applauding her quietly. “Wonderful job, and in good time as well. You think you could whip out drinks as fast as you just did all the time?”

“Of course I can. Done it for years, and quicker than that too. Just have to get used to the layout here.”

“Perfect. You start tomorrow at 0800 hours.”

***

The rest of their day was spent exploring the base, Ro telling her girlfriend every interesting fact she’d learned so far. Guinan took it all in happily, just liking hearing her girlfriend talk. It was nice to see her so happy and passionate. 

She thought she’d seen Laren this way before, but she definitely hadn’t. The way she went about things on the Enterprise was always met with hesitation, sometimes even unwillingness. But here, she could tell that her girlfriend was truly happy to be doing her work. 

After dinnertime, the two of them laid in their large bed and cuddled, something they hadn’t been able to do in what felt like forever. 

“I hope you start to like it here as much as you liked it on the Enterprise.” the Bajoran says softly, pulling her girlfriend’s arm over her tighter. 

“I’m sure I will, love.” Guinan reassures softly, pressing a kiss to her head. “I’m just happy to be with you. That’s most important.”

Ro smiles softly and nuzzles into the other’s chest, kissing the skin on her neck gently. “I love you, Guinan.”

“I love you too, Laren. Always. Never forget that.” 

They eventually fell asleep holding each other, taking the first sleep of their new and exciting life together with the Maquis.


End file.
